Todays just not my day. Everything's going wrong and nothing seems right. Im alright - i always am and i know i have to be. Isnt that what people always expect me to be. Everyone always thinks im strong & holding on still to my faith and i am, but just this time im not fine. Just this time i rly dont feel okay. Everything's so wrong and i cant find my place to fit here in chung cheng. My highest score for my subs so far is a b3 and its a score for english. Like, no way. Gimme a break. English is my best sub always, and cmon, how could my best subject earned me a mere b3 ? Maybe my expectations are placed too high, but its because english's the only subject i can look forward to for scoring a high grade. Even the china people (like xiao lin) -no offence- got higher grades than me. Yilu was right, everyone does have their limits. & I know this isnt mine yet. it isnt. Even if it is, i wna go beyond these limits & i know i can. But after all my efforts, why isnt anything in my anticipation happening ? Everyone thinks i dont care when i see another flunked subject or paper, i do. I rly rly do. Its just. what else can i do ? Cry ? Bawl my eyeballs out ? Im so numb now that it hurts again. This b3 is bugging me so much, so much that i cant think about anything else. I no longer care what others think, that they think i dont give a shyat bout my grades. But sometimes it hurts when you get everyone telling you that your grades are failing each time and they keep telling you to better buck up like you dont care bout your results and that they have to remind you over&over again. I've got enough pressure alr ! Its not like my grades are not on my mind. & hello, i do know im failing. So mind laying off the reminders ? Who aint concerned bout their grades & midyr results ? I know everyone is, and that includes me. Seriously, i want to give up but at the same time i dont want to. Im so sick of stretching out to others for help, im so sick of it. Getting so many blows in one day& getting stalked and confronted by some highly sexual urged f*cking bastard uncle rly isnt my idea or an "okay" day. & even if i was too harsh on the uncle, well too bad. He just picked the wrong girl on the wrong day to deal with. So be it.
I cant hold on anymore. really.